Is It Worth It?
by hopefulmemoir
Summary: Nico is tired of being the 'other guy'. Percy will not leave Annabeth for him, despite his crumbling relationship with her and reveals something about himself that Nico seeks to fix. Nico/Percy.


Warnings: This is Nico/Percy. If you do not like slash you will not like this.

Mild Percy/Annabeth

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters unless otherwise specified. This story is not for monetary gain.

Enjoy!

~o-o-o~

Percy sat at the computer, busily typing away. He had a report due next week and he wanted to get it done over the long weekend before lectures and such picked up again.

"What do you want, Nico?" Percy saved his work. He didn't bother to turn; he knew Nico was behind him, leaning against the wall. Percy could feel his presence pressing on his senses; the base of his spine tingled, not with unease but something yearned…

"I frighten everyone else." Nico pushed off the wall and set his hands on the back of Percy's chair. The tingling intensified. "Why don't I frighten you?"

"I know you." Percy glanced back. "You've never scared me, Nico. When I look at you I still see the mythomagic-obsessed child." Percy shouldn't have said that; Nico wasn't a child and hasn't been for a long time. Percy had a role in that and he still felt guilty about it. Nico's dark eyes flitted over the computer screen as he contemplated Percy's words. Percy settled for looking over Nico. He was handsome, regal looking, with fair skin, dark hair and eyes. Since losing his olive tone he never stayed out in the sun long enough to get it back. Percy didn't mind though, Nico's colouring only added to his noble appearance. He had strong features, a solid, but not bulky, build, hidden currently by dark long sleeves and dark wash jeans. His sword was slung around his hip and he still wore that skull ring. Nico smirked then, Percy didn't care that he'd been caught. When Nico leaned down Percy turned his head and Nico kissed his jaw. "Annabeth."

"Why do you delude yourself?" Nico's words brushed his skin; chilled Percy and excited him.

"I am well aware." Percy offered, unwilling to divulge more.

"Then why do you torture yourself?" Percy couldn't place exactly when the affair started. He knew why. Percy and Nico had a dynamic that others might call a rivalry, a constant back and forth bickering: he did this so I have to get him back. But it was more than that. Nico knew everything about Percy, his fears, his joys, and Percy wasn't afraid to tell him. Despite all Percy had been through with Annabeth, it just…wasn't the same. His relationship with her was forged because it was expected, not because he wanted it. Percy closed his eyes, Nico was right, he was deluding himself, torturing himself, in more ways than even Nico understood. Nico leaned down to kiss him again.

"Stop." Percy bit out, abrasive.

"I don't want to." Nico grabbed Percy's hair, gave it a tug back, baring Percy's neck. Nico leaned down and brushed his lips along the soft skin, Percy reached back and gripped Nico's shirt. Nico's breath sent chills through him, and any hope of finishing his report fled. Percy let out a moan when Nico bit him teasingly.

"Stop." Percy twisted away. Nico scowled.

"What is it now? You've never said no before." Percy faced Nico.

"We can't make this work."

"You're not even married-for the gods' sake you haven't proposed!" Nico's eyes flared with rage briefly, but the anger burned away almost immediately, replaced with confusion, curiosity. Percy hummed and looked away.

"Maybe I'm planning to."

"Why, so you could live out the rest of your life miserable? How often do you guys have sex? Is it even satisfying?"

"I get off on it."

"Fuck." Nico shook his head. "You're-you're impossible." Nico crossed his arms. "Leave her."

"It…it's not that easy."

"You feel obligated to stay in a relationship with someone you don't love?"

"Yes." Percy laughed as he went along with the answer Nico wanted to hear. "That's exactly it. Annabeth has done so much for me, I couldn't hurt her." Nico scowled. "You understand, don't you?" Nico moved forward and kissed him. Percy stumbled but Nico held on, keeping him upright. It was harsh, more of an answer than Percy was expecting. Percy growled into it and returned Nico's demanding kiss with fervour, he gripped Nico's shirts and bit his lip. Nico grunted and pulled back, surprised. He licked his lips, swiping up blood. Percy watched, gaze dark.

"That was unexpected."

"Take off your shirt." Percy ordered. Nico obliged. Percy yanked his off too and tossed it aside. He pulled Nico into him again, touched up his chest, and then raked his nails down. Nico backed Percy into the desk and gripped his thighs. Percy leaned in and littered light kisses down Nico's neck, a stark contrast to his nails. "You can't mark me."

"I could if you left her." Percy leaned back with a sigh. Nico's grip increased, borderline painful; Percy savoured it, enjoyed it. "You will never be happy with her."

"I wouldn't be happy with you either." Nico pulled away. "You can't give me what I want."

"A family. No, I can't." Nico agreed. "But we could adopt. We could be happy." They both jumped when they heard the front door. Percy shoved Nico's shirt into his arms and then threw on his own. They scrambled into their clothes just in time. Annabeth smiled in greeting. Her hair was back in a ponytail, she must have come from the gym because she was dressed for a workout and her face was free of makeup. Percy liked that about her, she didn't need fancy clothes or makeup to look good.

"Hey Nico." Annabeth greeted. She went to Percy and kissed him lightly on the lips; he accepted it. "How's your report going, Percy?"

"Well enough." Percy answered. Annabeth reached up and touched Percy's neck, where Nico had bitten him, then the collar of his shirt.

"I'm going to go shower. Are you staying for dinner, Nico?"

"No, but thank you."

"Please, I insist." Annabeth shot him a look. Nico offered a nod. She smiled again, forced, and left to the bedroom. Nico looked at Percy. Percy didn't feel guilty, though Nico looked it.

"She _knows_?"

"Of course she knows. She's a fucking genius." Percy shoved Nico back and stormed to the kitchen.

"You really are a self-righteous prick."

"Thanks."

"If she knows why don't you leave her?"

"I don't love you, Nico." Percy looked at the younger demigod. Nico clenched his fists. "I've told you. I don't. I don't love her either, but I won't leave her for someone else I don't love." Percy grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and cracked it open. "I don't love anyone."

"You haven't since you fell." Nico's voice was soft; he held a tone of mourning. Percy breathed deeply and clutched the bottle before taking a drink.

"It took everything. I wish I died. I wish I was dead." Percy muttered as he stared at his drink.

"The love goddess might be able to fix it."

"She can't give me back what the Abyss swallowed. I've tried. I tried everything. Potions, I prayed but there's nothing. Not even my mother, she's…I pretend well." Percy closed his eyes briefly. He felt terrible but couldn't bring himself to tell her. His mother was so important to him yet when he looked at her…she was just another face; another person in the crowd.

"We all lost something."

"Annabeth's hubris. She's humbled now…less drive, sure but she's still brilliant, just not arrogant. I can't love people, that way…I won't burn the world for them, for anyone. Personal loyalty is easily snuffed out without love." Percy glanced at Nico.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I fell of my own accord. I brought this upon myself." Annabeth entered the room, hair damp and in fresh clothes. Percy outright glared at her. She was still smiling. His gut twisted with anxiety. "I lost everything for you."

"I love you for it." Percy looked away, hurt. "I'll start dinner." Percy threw his half consumed beer across the room. The bottle shattered against the wall upon impact, spraying alcohol and glass across the floor.

"What's the point?!" Percy shouted. "There's…no point." Percy left.

~o-o-o~

Annabeth and Nico stood in silence, staring at the front door where Percy had gone. Nico clenched his fists.

"How could you?" Nico glared at Annabeth. She grabbed out ingredients from the cupboard.

"He's been spiralling for a long time, you must have noticed, since you've been fucking him for nearly three years." Nico grunted. "I'll think he'll do it soon."

"It's a sin."

"The ultimate form of wrath." Annabeth remarked airily, like the idea wasn't so bad.

"We should be trying to help him."

"I don't care anymore to do anything for him." Annabeth stared at the label of one of the ingredients. Her damp curls fell over her shoulders, wetting her t-shirt. She paid little mind, and Nico realized then she wasn't wearing a bra either, then he realized he was looking at her breasts and he wasn't sure why because he'd never been interested in a woman's body before. He quickly looked away, embarrassed. "I did, I tried, but…he won't accept help or weakness. When someone gives up…before, I would have done more but now…I just don't…"

"I get it." Nico muttered.

"If you can help him, you deserve him. I don't anymore." Annabeth looked at him, and there might have been regret, but Nico supposed she didn't have the drive to hold on to regrets. Nico nodded softly.

"I'll go find him."

"Best that you do." Nico started out. "Before you go…if you don't mind me asking, what…what did the Abyss take away from you?"

"I don't…cling to anger anymore."

"Seems fitting that you would benefit from it." Annabeth grunted, annoyed. Nico shrugged. It was more complicated than that, but he didn't want to talk to Annabeth anymore.

~o-o-o~

Unable to find Percy, Nico decided to figure out a way to help him. At first, he did some research, to see if there was any way the gods could help, but as Percy had informed him, it was a bust. The only god to get anything out of the prison was Zeus, and Nico doubted his uncle would help him with anything, so Nico followed in Zeus' footsteps instead. He was cautious as he neared the pit. He'd fallen there once before, and that was one too many. It didn't seem as sinister as before-like the malevolent aura had calmed down some. Nico didn't trust it for a second. Once he was as close as he was willing to go, he cleared his throat.

"Hello?" Nico called out. His voice echoed off the rocky walls of his father's domain. Nico huffed and took a deep breath. "Hello?"

"_Nico di Angelo…what a pleasure to have your company again…_" Tartarus' voice jarred memories, suppressed because of the torment they brought him. Nico stumbled like he'd been struck, and his breathing grew haggard. He instantly felt weak, exhausted and strained. "_Why, did you come? Surely not to chat…_"

"You took something, from a friend of mine." Nico attempted to keep his voice level, but the effort was in vain.

"_Do not kid yourself. He is more than a friend._"

"He's losing it. I want you to give it back."

"_How selfish of you._" Nico flinched. It was true. Nico was doing this because he loved Percy, and he wanted Percy to love him back. Annabeth said she'd back off; Percy would be his if Nico could somehow convince this deity to give back what Percy lost. "_I perfected him._"

"He was already perfect." Nico gritted.

"_Do not talk back to me, mortal. You are within my grasp._" Nico's feet went up from under him by some force, and it started dragging him towards the Abyss. Nico screamed and clawed for the ground, cutting up his hands. When that failed he turned towards the pit and pointed. Rock jutted from the ground at caught him, keeping him from tumbling back. Nico gasped, shaking, as he stared at his mangled hands, bleeding and raw from the rough, rocky ground. "What a child you still are." Nico tensed. That voice didn't echo in his head…Nico looked up slowly.

A grotesque monster stood above him. Nico hadn't encountered Tartarus when he fell, but Percy had, and described the god to everyone. This creature didn't look as Percy described though. His skin was grey, like ash. The edges of his fingers and palms looked blackened from burns. He was cloaked in a robe that reminded Nico of his father's, but instead of swirling faces of people, it was monsters, clawing at the woven fabric, desperate for escape. It was torn in some places, exposing his ashen skin, which held open wounds, exposing dried gold-coloured muscle. His face was…borderline human, his eyes were black, and looked like whirlpools. He didn't have lips; they looked like they were cut away, exposing teeth. Nico felt ill. He pressed his back against the cool rock behind him.

"How…you…?"

"I am before all, born from the Void. I do as I please…" Tartarus took a few heavy steps forward. Nico screamed. He turned to run, but Tartarus was fast, faster than Nico could have predicted. He grabbed the back of Nico's neck, his hands were icy cold, and shoved Nico against the rock. "Do not fret, mortal. You are more entertaining left alive…for now." Nico flinched when the ground scraped against his face. "Eternity is a long time. There must be something upon the stage for me to watch. It took too long for Kronos, his presence too short, and my sister is dense if nothing else. Perhaps petty mortal problems will hold me over for a few hundred years."

"W-what do you mean?" Nico stammered, flinching as Tartarus ground his face into the rock.

"I am a prison, the ultimate prison. Things do not escape my realm unless I warrant it. Kronos' rising, monsters, my sister's children, minions, all are permitted to leave." Nico started to shake from the cold. He had his eyes snapped shut.

"You don't have that kind of power." Tartarus laughed. It cut through the air and Nico's soul, sending rattling terror through him.

"Your father does, with his undead army of mortals. Imagine if Zeus were in Hades' place, what kind of world you would live in." Tartarus laughed again. Hades worked because he was fair in judgement. Nico decided as awful as his dad could be, he was better than Zeus as Lord of the Underworld. "I rather like the idea…enough idle chat." Tartarus growled. "What do you propose in exchange for Percy's capacity to feel love?"

"What do you want?"

"I would love a woman. But that is not going to happen anytime soon." Tartarus hummed. Nico was yanked up onto his knees by the back of his neck. He hung limp in the grip, Tartarus' icy hand had numbed him almost entirely. "Return in a fortnight. I will have decided by then." Tartarus vanished. Nico collapsed. It took him all of two minutes to realize he was crying, and he'd soiled himself. If Tartarus hadn't been so horrifying, Nico would have been embarrassed, but he didn't have the energy to feel anything besides terror. It took Nico a long time to drag himself to his room in his father's place. He bathed, treated his wounds and changed immediately. Afterwards, he curled up on his bed and cried.

~o-o-o~

Percy gazed lamely at Annabeth. They were eating dinner. She was talking about design plans, school, all ideas but nothing she'd ever follow through with. At least, not anymore. Percy audibly sighed and looked at his food.

"What?" Annabeth asked. Her voice was light, questioning but not curious. She didn't care either way if he answered.

"Do you ever…would you go back?" Percy asked.

"I'm happy." Annabeth replied after a moment. "I'm less stressed, honestly. I sleep at night…" Annabeth hummed. "No, I wouldn't." She met Percy's gaze. "And I'm glad you fell with me. I wouldn't have survived without you."

"No." Percy agreed lamely.

"You're a perfect hero now, you know." Annabeth took a sip of her tea. "Without the burden of worrying for others, caring about them, all good deeds you do won't fall back on your loved ones as consequence, because you don't have any. And you haven't lost your motivation for the triumph of good. It's beautiful really." Percy stood and left without a word. He walked down the streets of New York, alone, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweater. It was brisk out but he couldn't be bothered to go back for his coat. Percy didn't want to be perfect, had never saw himself as such. His first attempt at perfection resulted in him being turned into a guinea pig. Now he was…he didn't really know, but beautiful was the last word he'd use to label himself as he was now.

"Percy." Percy turned his head. Nico smiled faintly in greeting and fell into step with him.

"I'm not really in the mood for company." Percy informed, hoping Nico would leave. Naturally, he didn't.

"I spoke with him." Percy nodded.

"So?"

"I might be able to get it back for you." Percy's eyes lit up.

"Really?" The idea was tantalizing; he felt his mouth water at the thought, it made him feel savage but he didn't care, the purpose it would bring him…

"He wants something; he's…going to decide in the next two weeks." Percy deflated. Nico furrowed his brow, concerned.

"Such a being could not want anything good." Percy murmured. "Nico, you're dealing with the devil. Don't do this for me."

"It's for us." Percy shook his head.

"Please." Percy begged. "Let it be, the fates have decided this for me." Percy flinched when Nico grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

"The fates decided you should be cursed?" Nico snapped. "After everything you did for the gods, you have to live the rest of your life-and I _know_ what you've been thinking lately." Percy fumbled when Nico grabbed his hands and held them. Nico's flesh was stark white against Percy's warmly tanned skin. "You deserve happiness." Nico stroked the back of Percy's palms with his thumbs. His eyes were bright in adoration, he loved Percy, has for so long. Percy felt nothing in return, no warmth, joy, animosity, he just felt hollow, empty. "You deserve it." Nico assured with finality. Percy breathed out deeply.

"Thank you, for…not giving up on me." Percy smiled. "But I can't ask this. Not…he's a monster, the worst kind."

"It's all a game, no rhyme or reason, just a mindless game." Nico agreed. "I have to try." Percy sighed, Nico was stubborn and if Percy couldn't convince him, no one could.

"Be careful." Nico smiled softly.

"I will."

~o-o-o~

Nico approached the dark abode exactly fourteen days later. It drew him in; something pulled at his existence and beckoned him to the darkness, waiting, eager to swallow him at a misplaced step. He stopped where he had before; he could see his rock wall a few metres ahead. Nico made one for himself as a safety net, not that it mattered. If Tartarus wanted him back, he could grab Nico by his ankles and drag him down with ease. Nico had to simply hope he didn't.

"I have decided to be generous." Tartarus' voice shook Nico to the core. The presence was sudden, pressing on his chest and making it hard to breathe. Nico felt the numbness begin in his limbs as he turned to face the god. His was as horrific as before, only his face looked more mangled, like a beast had bitten his head and ripped a chunk of flesh from his jaw. "I have two options for you, mortal. I will return Percy's capacity to love, and he will be able to love everyone, anyone as he would have before I took it, but he will be unable to love you." Nico gritted his teeth. "Or, I will return his capacity for love, and he will _only_ love you."

"But-"

"Those are my options. Will you torture yourself, or your love?" Nico crumbled. This wasn't fair.

"I'll give anything for both."

"I do not want anything from you, or anyone else." Nico closed his eyes. He lost his ability to cling to anger, a great trait, but he is incapable of letting go of love. It was painful but he couldn't be angry. Constant torment-but he couldn't leave Percy with nothing. He was near his breaking point, and Nico didn't know of any other way to save him.

"Let him love everyone." Tartarus' howling laughter brought tears to Nico's eyes. He curled in on himself, the evil before him was overwhelming. Percy was right; Tartarus was not the sort anyone should make deals with. He had to though, this was the only way to save Percy's life, Nico knew.

"How selfless and…quaint." Tartarus waved his hand. "It is done. You will find your friend is feeling capable." Tartarus left. Nico felt just as weak as last time, only this time he didn't have the motivation to go anywhere, do anything…yet temptation won. Nico bathed quickly and then headed to the Jackson residence. Percy was smiling, genuinely smiling, something Nico hadn't seen since before the fall. There was a glow to him that Nico longed for, missed. It took all his will not to move forward and embrace the other demigod.

"I love her." Percy looked at Nico. "My mother, my familial love for her is back. She just called and…" Percy's grin slowly faded as he stood. "What did you do?" They stood in the living room, less than two metres away from one another. The sky outside was overcast and it was nearing dusk. Nico felt overwhelmed, seeing Percy, the light back in his brilliant eyes. It was too much to handle.

"You're beautiful." Nico gasped, though he shouldn't have.

"Nico…" Percy moved forward slowly. He grabbed the sides of Nico's head. His hands were warm against Nico's cool skin, a soothing touch. "What did you do?" Percy gritted his teeth when Nico stayed quiet. "Nico…" Percy touched their foreheads together. "I…"

"It's ok. That…that was my choice." Percy closed his eyes, but tears slipped out anyway.

"It wasn't yours to make."

"I couldn't let you choose me and leave you with nothing else." Nico didn't want Percy to feel obligated. It was Nico's choice, not Percy's.

"I want to." Nico pushed away. "I can't."

"I know."

"I don't know…how to repay you for this."

"Promise me you'll be with someone who makes you happy." Percy nodded. "Promise."

"I promise." Nico pressed a chaste kiss on Percy's lips. Percy tried to return it but Nico broke the kiss too quickly. Nico swallowed thickly and fled before Percy could stop him. He had one thought on his mind: Percy was worth it. The squeezing of his heart was worth the life he may have saved, and the joy that life would bring throughout its lifetime. It was worth it.

~o-o-o~


End file.
